you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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