Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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