What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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