Tell her she can't have a vagina
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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