Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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