I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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