So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
