oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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