I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
