Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
