Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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