Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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