Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
