my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
