Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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