Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
