Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
