before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
