I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
