I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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