Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
