but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
