i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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