just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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