He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
