We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
