listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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