god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
