my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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