There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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