Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
