Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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