MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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