i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
