something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
