**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
