end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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