legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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