My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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