considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
