By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
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I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
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Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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