I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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