This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Every concussion has its silver lining
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
