I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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