Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
