we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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