The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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