if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
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