I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
