So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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