So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
