ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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