i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
