he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
