I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
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