That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
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You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
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It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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