Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
