god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Michael Bay diarrhea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize