Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I want a musical about memes.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My life is pants optional.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
