90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
