Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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