I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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