if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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