i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
