if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Randomize
