i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
