it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
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I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
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You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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