just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I got her a Nickelback box set.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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