I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
